Baby loss is a strange sort of grief because you’re mourning a future not a past.
We lost our baby girl at 12 weeks pregnant. Whilst this is not a unique or even uncommon experience, it was one I was not prepared for. To put it simply; it floored me. On that cold dark November day my heart broke into a million pieces.
People are quick to try and normalise the experience and reassure you that “1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage”.
Far from a soothing statistic, it breaks my heart further still to know that means that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in grief. And that is exactly what it is – raw, unsoothable, raging grief… The loss of a future already intricately imagined. The loss of a presence you loved. A physical loss resulting in intense emotional emptiness.
There is a damaging misconception that loss is “just a heavy period”. Those who are lucky enough not to have been through it don’t know the physical and emotional pain, the potential surgery or medical management, the trips back and forth from the hospital, the hormonal whirlwind, the anxiety, fear, sadness and physical symptoms that can ricochet through your body for months afterwards. Whether a baby is lost quietly at home or on a bright ward, at 5 weeks or 20 weeks, in your first pregnancy or fourth; the experience is beyond horrendous.
I was so lucky to have an incredible support system. There was often someone on the end of the phone or someone drinking tea with me on the sofa. Flowers and brownies arrived at my door. Space was given when I needed to grieve quietly and presence when I needed to be held. Despite everyone’s kindness, the fact is that nothing anyone could say made me feel even 1% better. Their caring words fell on empty ears as my inner anguish persisted.
My only moments of respite were when my reflexologist came to see me.
That hour of tender touch was the only break I got from the emotional whirlwind my life had become. My mind experienced a rare glimpse of peace. My body had the opportunity to heal. Reflexology has always been a practice I rely on in turbulent times, but never has it been more powerful than in the aftermath of baby loss.
As my own personal healing continues, I want to help others to heal too.
I want to find some meaning in my unimaginable heartbreak. I want to help soothe the souls of women going through the same pain. I know that nothing I can say will change their reality, but I can use my skills for good. I can offer them a hour of calm when things feel relentlessly unstable. And in doing so, I hope to create a legacy of love for my daughter. A show of solidarity and support from me and my baby to you and yours.
In order to make this support more accessible I’m offering half price reflexology treatments for those who have lost their babies.
Here is how it will work… Women in London can receive 50% off the prices listed on my website for a reflexology treatment in their homes. (I will soon have a treatment space in Herne Hill too). Friends can gift sessions to friends so their loved ones get the caring support they deserve. Sessions will be longer than usual to create time and space for extra support over a cup of tea if needed or wanted.
I’m here to help if you have any questions at all. Or if you or someone you love has been affected and you’d like to book a discounted reflexology treatment for baby loss please feel free to get in touch – hello@serenalouth.com .
No matter how far through your journey with grief you currently find yourself – I see you. I feel you. You are not alone 💛
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